The Mission
by silvermangos
Summary: A drabble series. Will include all of the Avengers, and a little bit of Loki. Pairings will be mostly Clint/Natasha. Fury, Coulson, Maria Hill, and Pepper may make some appearances. This will be mostly humor, along with a bunch of mushy team stuff. No slash or explicit content.
1. The Mission

**This is my first (published) story, and I might make it a drabble series if anyone wants me to. Actually, I'd probably make it a drabble thingy even if no one but me wanted to, but anyway, reviews will be sophisticatedly and calmly accepted, and will definitely not be responded to with a small screaming fit. Oh! I also have no idea whatsoever what happened in Budapest. And! I don't own the Avengers. :(:)  
**

* * *

Natasha slowly edges along the precipice on top of the entirely too tall structure. What was she thinking, agreeing to this absolutely insane "mission"?

No mentally sound person would even _imagine_ climbing up a ninety-three story building.

"You doing all right over there, Nat?" she hears Clint yell.

"Yes, I am perfectly all right, barring the fact that I'm probably going to die sometime in the next five minutes."

"Aww, don't be such a downer, Natasha! This isn't the worst situation we've ever been in, is it? At least it's nothing like Budapest, right?" Clint sees Natasha's expression and slowly starts edging as far away from her as possible while standing on a precipice barely big enough for them both to stand on.

"Actually, Clint, this is exactly like Budapest, as you got us into a stupid, idiotic, life-threatening situation which we have NO foreseeable way of getting out of!"

Natasha is giving Clint the "run if you value your life" look, but for some reason, Clint just does not get it.

"Well, Budapest wasn't completely my fault. It was mostly those crazies chasing us. But why haven't you thought of a way to get us off of this thing? You are the one who got us out of Budapest." Clint realizes that this was completely the wrong thing to say...right after he said it. Natasha's eyes are blazing as she starts yelling at Clint.

"Why haven't _I_ thought of a way to get us off of here? Please, correct me if I'm mistaken, but which grand idiot's idea was it to TP the Avengers Tower in the FIRST PLACE?!"


	2. Thor's Daring Rescue

**Thank you so much for the absolutely wondrous reviews! Two reviews was two more than I was expecting! Also, thank you to anyone who favorited and/or followed my story! :) :) :) Oh! I really don't know how they were expecting to TP the tower. It probably occurred while they were on a sugar high. So, I'm planning on continuing this, and it'll probably be a Humor/Angst fic. I'll do prompts, and they can very conveniently be placed in a review!  
**

**I do not, and will never, (unless the tooth fairy feels like making all my dreams come true), own the Avengers. :(**

* * *

Thor is in his room, recounting exactly why he was in the position that he was in. It had been a very confusing evening.

After flying up and grabbing Clint and Natasha (who for some reason were standing on the A of the Avengers tower; they wouldn't tell him why), he had suddenly been attacked by some rabid Midgardian females who wanted to marry him. He politely attempted to refuse them, but they would not take no for an answer. He then explained that he already had a "girlfriend" and so was unavailable to get married, but not even that had fazed the fervent females. Clint had laughed at his miserable failure, but Thor could literally feel Natasha glaring at him. So Thor, who valued his life dearly, had decided to fly straight up and crash in through the windows in an endeavor to elude both the zealous ladies vying for his attention and Natasha's fury.

Unfortunately, while Thor's masterful stunt got rid of the screaming Midgardians, it did not make Natasha any happier. As soon as he had placed his charges on the ground, Thor had speedily retreated into his room, ignoring the pleading voice of Clint from behind him. Thor warily searched the room before quickly locking the door and sighing in relief. He had escaped. As he slowly fell asleep, Thor heard some manly screams, but wisely decided not to interfere.

* * *

The next morning, Thor is walking to the kitchen. He passes a bruised and bloodied Clint, sho glares at Thor wretchedly, obviously in a great deal of pain.

"I apologize, friend," Thor says sadly, "But not even I dare to face the fair maiden's wrath." Clint scoffes, and then winces, as he turns and limps away.

Natasha pokes her head out of the door next to him.

"Thor?" Thor jumps, and steps back. "Is there something you need, Thor? Why don't you come in?" says Natasha, kindly. Thor observes that she is holding something behind her back.

"Thank you, kind maiden, but I must be taking my leave now. I will see you later." Thor hurriedly turned around and speed-walked down the hallway. Natasha lets out the breath she had been holding. She pulls her stuffed bunny rabbit out from behind her back. She would never let anything happen to her dear Mr. Fluffy Pants. Ever.

* * *

**This is going to be a two-or-more-part fic. Up next...Thor's battle against Steve and the veggies.**


	3. The Tomato

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed and/or favorited/followed. Um, I'm really not sure how to reply to reviews, so please, please, do not think that I'm ignoring you. I read all of them! This would be more of an accomplishment if I got more reviews. :) Anyway, I'll try to incorporate some Natasha/Clint in the next one. Oh! I don't own One Direction. I mean, the Avengers! I'm rather glad I don't own One Direction. Can you imagine the fangirls you'd have to fend off, owning One Direction? I shudder in fear just thinking about it.  
**

* * *

Thor rapidly speed-walks to the kitchen, hyperventilating. Natasha was as scary as Jane when she was angry. Thor is craving the familiarity of Pop-Tarts, and luckily, the nice man in the wall had got some delivered for him just yesterday! As he approaches the pantry, lost in his happy Pop-Tart thoughts, he realizes that there are three bodies barring access to his Pop-Tarts.

"What are you doing, friends? I beseech you to move, as my breakfast is lurking behind those doors you block." Tony and Bruce motion for Steve to speak.

"I'm afraid that you can't have any Pop-Tarts today, Thor." Steve notices Thor's panicked expression and wisely decided to amend his statement. "Sorry. What I meant was, you can't have any Pop-Tarts until you eat...this." Steve presents Thor with a strange, red, squishy-looking item.

"What is...this?" Thor (who was frankly rather frightened by the sight of the thing) inquires.

"'This is a tomato." Thor graciously accepts Steve's offering. After biting a small piece of the "tum-a-to", Thor tries with all his strength to hide his complete and utter disgust, but fails miserably.

"Well, we tried!" exclaims Tony, who throws his hands in the air and walks away. Thor sighs in relief, hoping that he can finally eat his glorious Pop-Tarts without having to finish the disgusting thing in his hand, but one glance at Steve's face crushed those delightful Pop-Tart dreams into crumbs.

"Don't think that I'm just going to abandon this, Thor. You will eat the tomato, or forfeit Pop-Tarts. Forever." Thor's eyes widen.

"Never eat a Pop-Tart again.._.ever_?"

"Yes, Thor. Are you willing to give up Pop-Tarts just to avoid eating one tomato?" Bruce decides to leave before the conflict can escalate. He walks past Thor, giving him a pitying look.

"You're up against the vibranium will of Steve Rogers, buddy. It's smarter to just eat the tomato." Thor considers this advice, the look on Steve's face, and the tomato in his hand. In the end, he just stuffs the tomato in his mouth and swallows it. Thor then pushes past a stunned Steve Rogers, pulls the box of Pop-Tarts out of the pantry, and strides out of the kitchen before he can be forced to shove any more miscellaneous items down his throat.

* * *

**I don't have anything against vegetables! I'm a vegetarian, actually. Vegetables are good! Especially in curry! Tomatoes and celery are the only vegetables that I refuse to eat. Tomatoes are _evil_. But ketchup is good...  
**


	4. The French, Fury, and a Secret Plot

**I am so sorry for not updating for so long! I've just been really busy with science fair (grr...) and other things. Plus, I had a horrible case of writer's block with this one. I don't really like it that much. It's kind of OOC, I think. And thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed! To the reviewer who asked, it wasn't really meant to be a continuous story, just more of a series of drabbles, but I might reference previous chapters.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that I write about. How awful is that?**

* * *

Natasha and Clint were always the ones sent undercover as a married couple. This was not a fact that escaped Natasha's keen mind. However, there was no proof of this. Natasha amends this statement. _She_ had no proof of it. Natasha continued her fruitless search for proof until the day she and Clint were assigned a mission at a French fundraiser.

This would usually be a fairly normal mission, except that there was a French male-female team that had gotten back from their mission two weeks ago. They would blend seamlessly with the French people, and as an added bonus, their native language was French. They were the perfect team for this mission, but Fury had chosen Clint and her. Natasha almost giggles, but stops herself (she did have a reputation to uphold). This was the perfect piece of evidence! Natasha runs to Fury's office, barely stopping to grab Clint, who was up in the ventilation system again. The two of them knock on Fury's door, but they don't wait for a response before kicking the door down.

"Is there something I can do for you?" says Fury, quickly turning off the TV, which by the way, was most definitely not showing My Little Ponies.

"Was that My Lit- you know what, never mind. What we want to know is why you are sending us on this mission when Elise and Louis would be a much better choice." Fury clasps his hands on his desk and sighs. He knew that he would be confronted with this problem soon enough. He looked up to Natasha's death glare and gulps.

"Well, you and Clint here have such good chemistry," Fury looks at his top assassins' faces and immediately amends his statement. "What I meant was that you both are our best actors. Louis and Elise wouldn't be able to pull it off like you two will be able to."

"Elise and Louis are married." Natasha pulls off acidic and biting extremely well, Fury thought. She is somehow able to convey "You are going to be in a great amount of pain very soon." only by saying the word married.

"I know that. But they just can't do lovey-dovey like you two. I've seen you in action."

Natasha considers this statement. She and Clint did do the married couple thing pretty well. She remembers their last mission. She had been distracting the kidnapper they were looking for while Clint searched the place for the hostage.

* * *

"So, how long have you been married to that absolutely _gorgeous_ specimen?" the lady had asked.

"It's our one-year anniversary next week! We're leaving for Barcelona tomorrow morning to celebrate."

"Oh, how wonderful!"

"I know! He surprised me this morning with the tickets. Clark is so sweet!"

"I wish my husband still remembered our anniversary. It seems like he's barely home nowadays. He's always at work, with that blasted secretary." Natasha saw the approaching "BAD SUBJECT" warning flashing bright red. However, the lady seemed to want to leave this topic as fast as possible as well.

"So, how did you two meet?" Natasha cursed under her breath. She hadn't done enough preparation for this.

"It's not that interesting. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Why, of course!

"Well, um, the first time we met was in a café. Yes, a café in New York. I was sitting at a table by myself because I was new there, and completely lost." She remembered when she had first come to SHIELD, with all the agents glaring at her every chance they got.

"He sat down across from me, and bought me a coffee." After the first time an agent had tried to kill her, Clint had walked with her everywhere. She had made it perfectly clear that she could take care of herself, but he had insisted. She had scoffed and rolled her eyes, but was secretly grateful for the company, even if it was just to ward off the accusing eyes that were always pointed her way.

"That was it. We just kept talking, and I found out that he was working at the same place as me, and we eventually got together." They had been assigned on a mission together after her training was done.

"Is Nat telling you bad things about me, Mrs. Anderson?" Clint flashed a winning smile at Natasha. She smiled back. He raised his eyebrows, looking at the lady, who was apparently Mrs. Anderson, and back at her. She raised her eyebrows back. He nodded once.

"Oh, stop that! It's so cute, though! You two make the most adorable couple ever!" Natasha looked back at Mrs. Anderson, taken aback. She hadn't even been trying. She looked at Clint, who just rolled his eyes and smirked.

* * *

Natasha smiles at the memory.

"Miss Romanov?" Natasha looks up.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, sir."

"Do you still object to the mission?"

"No, sir." Clint looks back and forth between Natasha and Fury, utterly confused about what had just occurred.

"Come on, Clint. We have to learn French, and then pack." Clint shakes his head and follows Natasha out the door. After they were gone, Fury leaps up and runs into the adjoining room.

"You owe me $150, Agent Hill. I told you that Natasha would cave."

"Yes, sir, I heard everything. But your strategy to get them together by sending them undercover as a married couple on every single one of their missions is most definitely not going to work."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Agent Hill."

* * *

Two weeks later, Agent Hill hands another $150 to Fury.

"I told you it'd work." says Fury, thinking of the wonderful reclining chair this $300 was going to buy him.

* * *

**Here are my in-progress stories...**

**-A really late Thanksgiving-y thing.**

**-Steve, Tony, Bruce, and the Post-It monster.**

**-Natasha and Bruce's feelings about fanmail. (Warning! Slightly angst-filled.) **

**-Tony and Natasha's career as a ballerina.**

**Vote for the one you would like to see first. Your vote can conveniently be placed in a review! **


	5. Natasha's a ballerina

**I would like to convey my heartfelt thanks to absolutely everyone who reviewed/followed my story. Does anyone else get the warm, tingly feeling after reading reviews? ****I'm sorry that this chapter is so late (again). My access to FanFiction was blocked for a slightly long period of time. ****It was sad. But I got some writing done instead of reading mushy team fics. So, this is the one with Natasha and her ballerina-y-ness. I don't own any of the characters or their rather suspicious pasts.**

* * *

"You were a _ballerina_?"

"Yes."

_15 seconds pass_

"You were seriously a _ballerina?!_"

"Yes, Stark. I didn't know that information needed to be repeated _twenty-three _times for it to stick in your brain."

"It doesn't!" Tony replies hotly. "It's just surprising, that's all."

"You didn't find it surprising that _Cap_ took ballet lessons."

"It was to improve my agility!" Steve immediately retorts. "Even with the super-soldier serum, I still need to work out!"

"You were only six when you got injected with the serum? Because that's when you started ballet lessons."

"This coming from the dame who started ballet lessons when she was _two_."

"Children, children, settle down."

"Clint? Did you just call me a _child_?"

"Of course not, Natasha," Clint maintains a façade of nonchalance even in the face of Natasha's death glare. Proper composure is necessary for survival. "I was talking about Stark and Rogers." Natasha's death glare does not subside.

"Okay...How about I tell you guys my plan, mmm?" Tony and Steve eagerly nod while Natasha coolly raises her eyebrows.

"Natasha and Steve should have a ballet dance-off!" Bruce and Thor barge in through the door, out of breath.

"Man, those ducklings were _scary_!" Bruce looks up at his teammates' faces and decides that this is definitely not the time to recount his terrifying experience with killer ducks.

"So...who's up for some shawarma?"

* * *

**I know it's short, but there are two more parts! They will be posted tomorrow and Friday. Reviews might get them both posted tomorrow...and that was totally _not _a completely obvious plea for reviews. Definitely not. And I'll still take votes for the story ideas posted last chapter! **


	6. The Dance-Off!

**Thanks to everyone who followed/favorited/reviewed the last chapter! I would give y'all cookies (I make really good cookies) but I'm really not sure how to make virtual ones. Here's part deux of the Dance-Off. I don't think that that's an actual game show. I don't own it! I don't own the annoying orange or the Avengers either. :(**

* * *

_*Cue game show music*_

"And now here's your host, Tonyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Stark!"

Tony walks in, wearing an obnoxious red and gold tuxedo. He smiles and waves at the camera.

"Helloooooooo, New York! In case you missed it when Hawkeye loudly announced it, I'm your host, the ruggedly handsome Tony Stark." He winks. "Welcome to the one and only episode of the Dance-Off...Avengers Style! We'll be back with our contestants for today, after this short commercial break." Tony steps back, and flashes a winning smile at the camera.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaand...CUT! We have _two_ minutes before we're on again, guys. _Two _minutes."

"Man, this announcer stuff is _hard_! How do those people do it?"

"Clint. You said seven words. _Seven_, bro. My job is _so_ much harder."

"What, standing around smiling like the annoying orange?"

"I do not smile like the annoying orange!"

"Actually, Tony, you do."

"Bruce! How could you betray me like this?!"

"Tony?"

"Shut up, Clint. I'm trying to find out why my dearest friend has let me down so completely."

"It's really disconcerting seeing that smile through a camera."

"You guys should really see this."

"FINE! I'll stop smiling. Are you happy now?"

"Well, don't say I didn't try."

"Yes. I'm very happy."

Tony scowls. Clint taps him on the shoulder.

"What?"

Clint wordlessly points at the stage. Tony and Bruce follow his line of sight, and as they finally see what Clint has been marveling at for several minutes, Tony and Bruce's jaws drop.

"Is that...Cap?" Captain America is decked out in a red, white, and blue sequined leotard, complete with glaringly patriotic cape and tights.

"Yes. Yes, it is."

"Did he do that by himself?"

"I think Natasha and Thor helped him."

"Where _is_ Natasha?"

"Can't live without your dear assassin for two minutes, Barton?" Clint glares at Tony and points to his bow, still strung on his back. Tony puts his hands up defensively.

"Peace, bro! Just stating the obvious here. What are you looking at now?" Tony's eyes frantically dart around the room. Bruce rolls his eyes.

"Look at the stage, Tony."

"Oh." Tony turns towards the stage. "_Oh._" Natasha is on the stage now, her vibrant red hair piled atop her head. Dressed mostly in black, she would be quite inconspicuous if only she wasn't wearing a sparkly, multi-colored, fluffy tutu.

"What has possessed you, dear Natasha?!" Clint dramatically falls to his knees.

"NOOOOOO! It must have been the tomatoes! I told her not to eat them!"

"Clint. Tony. See the Widow's Bite?"

"Ah. I see. You're really smart, Bruce. Did you know that?"

"Yes. I did."

"How did she get it _in_ there?"

"I am a rather talented dressmaker, friends. It is something that my mother taught me at a very young age."

"_Thor_?!" Tony's eyes widen, and his face pales.

"You're back on in ten seconds, Tony! Faint _later_."

* * *

**The next (and last) part will be posted tomorrow! Don't forget that you guys can still vote on story ideas, not-very-conveniently located in chapter 4! Review! I have snickerdoodles! **


	7. Et tu, Thor?

**Thank you to everyone who followed/favorited/reviewed! I'm sorry that this is a day late! School just could not wait in line like the rest of us. Nooooo, it just cuts in frontlike a pushy six-year-old. Bleh. Anyway...This is the third and final installment of THE DANCE-OFF! I don't know if this is a :) or a :(. I don't own the Avengers or anything else I mention in here that is supposed to be copyrighted. This is definitely a :(  
**

* * *

"Welcome back, New York! You're watching THE DANCE-OFF! Completely disregard the blatant fear on my face; it's irrelevant. Now, we're going to introduce our newest and only contestants! First up is New York's most lovable super-soldier, CAPTAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN AMERICA!" Tony theatrically gestures to the right of the stage as Steve jumps out from the left. Tony jumps back and screams.

"Stark," says Steve. "Are you all right?" Tony's at the far right corner of the stage, shaking.

"Oh, yeah, I'm totally fine." Tony gets up and walks back to the front of the stage. "Okay. The contestant battling the Capsicle today is slightly less built, but just as attractive." Tony darts a subtle look towards the right of the stage and sees Natasha's familiar face glaring back at him. He sighs in relief. No surprises this time. "BLACK WIDOW!" Natasha drops down from the ceiling right in front of Tony, who, completely fed up with getting scared out of his wits, decides, finally, to faint.

"Umm...okay! We'll be right back! You're watching The Dance-Off!" Steve makes the "peace" sign that he's seen Tony and Clint make many times.

"Nice save, Rogers."

"Thanks."

...

"Okay, who's moving Stark off the stage?"

"How about I just electrocute him?"

"..."

"Fine, fine. No electrocuting." Natasha hauls Tony up and throws him off the stage.

"Natasha!"

"What?"

"You just threw-" Steve looks at Natasha's puzzled expression and a little part of him dies. "You know what? That works just fine." Natasha looks at him suspiciously, but Steve just sighs.

* * *

"Welcome back to THE DANCE-OFF! Stark is temporarily unavailable right now due to severe head trauma, but, whatever. Anyway, I, the incredibly talented and handsome Hawkeye, am here to host this episode of THE DANCE-OFF! For those of you that are new to this show, which is _all _of you, here are the rules. The two contestants have until the end of the featured song to show off their ballet skills. You, the viewer, must vote on which Avenger _you_ think danced the best. Text the name of the Avenger you think danced best to 78275!"

"Clint!" Clint hears Natasha whispering to him from behind the curtain.

"What? Can't you see that I'm _busy_?"

"Start. The. Show. Now." Natasha's calm delivery of this sentence scares Clint more than the Chitauri ever could.

"Yes, ma'am!" Clint salutes and rigidly turns back to the camera, attempting not to shake from fear but failing miserably.

"Now, please welcome our dancers, Captain America and the Black Widow!" Steve and Natasha step out. Swan Lake starts playing and Steve and Natasha start dancing before realizing what was going on. They look at each other.

"You have got to be kidding." Steve says. "Swan Lake?" Bruce shrugs.

"Hey, it was Tony's idea." Natasha rolls her eyes.

"Fine." They start dancing again, both dancers seemingly lost in their rendition of their art. Steve performs a beautiful grand jeté, landing gracefully in front of Natasha. Steve smiles patronizingly at her, thinking about the fun he that he was going to have playing the bigger man when he won. Natasha smirks, knowing exactly what he was thinking and eager to crush Steve's puny little dreams. She pulls off an masterful pirouette, spinning around and around and around and around until even Clint, watching her from backstage, is dizzy.

"That's my Nat. She looks harmless, but _man._ You don't want to get on her bad side. I'm speaking from experience here, Thor." Hearing no response, Clint turns around. His jaw falls open. Clint can't get his walkie-talkie on fast enough.

"Hawkeye to the Hulk. I repeat, Hawkeye to the Hulk. Over." Bruce sighs.

"You don't have to do that, Clint. We're the only two with walkie-talkies."

"You have got to see this, man! You've got a camera in the dressing room, right?"

"Yes..."

"Switch over to it!"

"Why?"

"SWITCH!"

"Okay, okay!" Bruce switches the cameras, and his jaw, as well as the jaws of every single person watching THE DANCE-OFF, falls to the floor and shatters, never to be closed.

"Barton?"

"Yes, Banner?"

"Is that Thor?"

"I think it is." Every single person watching THE DANCE-OFF sits staring at their television screen in complete awe as the Asgardian prince executes flawless fouettés en tournant* and stunning tours en l'air* effortlessly. Suddenly, Thor hears a loud thump. He stops and turns around.

"Hello? Are you well, friend?" Clint is on the floor face-first, out cold. Tony and Bruce walk into the room.

"Ha! That's what he gets for leaving me alone with a concussion! Come on, guys. Let's go get some shawarma."

"Wait. Let me go turn off the lights first."

"Fine. But we're not waiting long, Bruce!"

...

"Steve?"

"Yes, Natasha?"

"Is it just me, or did all the lights just go off?"

"I think it's just you."*

...

_The next morning._

Tony wakes up.

"JARVIS! Who won who won who won who won?!"

"Please calm down, sir. Miss Romanova has commanded me not to release the name of the winner until all the Avengers are in the kitchen."

"That little-" Tony runs out of the room as fast as possible.

"Sir?"

"What do you want, JARVIS?!"

" I believe, sir, that it may be prudent to wear pants before entering the kitchen." Tony looks down.

"Ah. Yes. That is a very astute observation, JARVIS."

"Thank you, sir."

...

"Okay! I'm heeeeeeeee-re!" Tony walks into the kitchen singing. All his teammates are looking at him, rolling their eyes. "Oh, come on, guys! Can't a man sing?"

"No."

"Well, isn't someone a buzz kill this morning?"

"Yes, yes I am. You left me, _with a concussion_, in a pitch-black room to fend for myself. Yes, Stark, I am very much a buzz kill this morning!"

"Boys, calm down. I want to fully enjoy the look on Roger's face when JARVIS announces that I won."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Romanova."

"JARVIS! Announce the winner."

"The Avenger with the most number of votes is-"

"Wait!"

"STARK!"

"Oh, come on! I _have _to film this." Tony runs out of the room to go find a camera.

"For a guy who has an AI system wired throughout his whole house, Stark really isn't that smart, is he?"

"It's taken you this long to figure this out?"

"Okay! I'm back. Do your thing, JARVIS!"

"The Avenger with the most number of votes is-"

"WAI-" Steve slams his hand over Tony's mouth.

"Go ahead, JARVIS."

"-Thor."

* * *

Pepper and Coulson walk into the Avengers' Tower.

"I cannot believe that Fury made us go on a two-day press conference! What is wrong with him?! What if they burnt down New York and this all just a hologram?!"

"Frankly, I'm scared to death right now, Pepper, because that's actually plausible."

They share a look, and then run up to the penthouse as fast as humanly possible. Pepper throws open the door.

"Hello, friends!" Thor is eating Pop-Tarts, surrounded by unconscious Avengers. Pepper and Coulson sigh.

"Well, at least they're all still alive, right?" Coulson is suddenly worried. "Thor? They're all still alive, right?"

* * *

***A type of ballet turn. **

***A type of jump.  
**

***I don't know how much the super-soldier serum enhanced Steve's vision, but for my purposes currently, he can see in dark like he can see in light.  
**

**That's the end of the ballet arc. I think that arc works, right? Eh. I have no snickerdoodles today (they have all been eaten), but reviews will be rewarded with...uhh...duct tape? Ah well. They will be greatly appreciated? Oh! Votes for story ideas will still be accepted! Otherwise, I'll just update the one that I like best.  
**


	8. The End (But Not Really)

**So...hi! It totally hasn't been two months since I last updated! Nooo. This isn't the last chapter of The Mission for the foreseeable future at all. I don't have a muse who is terrified of commitment, and I also breathe carbon dioxide and orange juice. Unfortunately, the opposite of everything up there is absolutely true. My Avengers muse has passed on and regenerated into the Doctor now, so if you know what I'm talking about, check out THIOTWOAEISW! You may or may not regret it. This is a mix of a bunch of stuff that I edited out of the other drabbles, or stuff that I didn't have a drabble to put in, and some brand-spanking-new stuff. The last chapter of The Mission. I'm not quite sure how I feel. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing (echo, echo, echo). **

* * *

Thor is in Asgard with his father, who seems to share his love of Pop Tarts. Together they have gone through six hundred and seventy two boxes of Pop Tarts in seven hours, much to the horror of the Asgardian population. While on a Pop Tart sugar high, Thor and Odin try to make Pop Tarts in Asgard, but find an astonishing lack of high fructose corn syrup, which Thor will definitely remedy on his next trip to Midgard. In the meantime...

* * *

"NO, Thor, I can_not_ send you another box of Pop Tarts!" There is a small moment of silence as Thor responds to Steve's vehement statement. "I don't _care _if they're for Odin! I just sent you five dozen boxes _yesterday_! I don't have the money, the time, or the MONSTER TRUCKS necessary to buy enough Pop Tarts to feed your _insane _family's appetite for Pop Tarts." More silence. "Don't you dare hang up on me, Thor Odinson! I will call Jane! That is not an idle threat! _Thor_!"

* * *

Natasha sees Captain America walk past her door, muttering about Pop Tarts and how insane people's names always start with T. She chalks it up to his American-ness. She wonders if running around a room in nothing but a towel is an American thing too.

"Clint?" He stops his searching and looks up.

"Yes?"

"You moved your closet into the vents last week, remember?"

"Oh."

* * *

Bruce is in his lab, working and minding his own business. There is an extremely bad-sounding noise in the heating vent above him, but he figures that it must need some routine maintenance. Then Bruce realizes that Tony's sentient vents never need maintenance, looks up at the vent, and runs for his life as a half-dressed Hawkeye falls out of the ceiling.

"NEVER try to get dressed in the heating vents." he says. Bruce doesn't move from his corner until Clint is back in the heating vent and far, _far _away.

* * *

Tony hears Bruce's unmanly shriek from two labs away, but laughs quietly to himself as he works on his latest masterpiece.

"JARVIS, call everyone down to Training Room 734 B."

"Do you mean 734 A, sir?"

"Yes, yes." Tony waves a hand at the air absently. "Just get them down there. Tell them that there's a scandalous picture of Fury or something."

* * *

_Two nanoseconds later_.

"We're here. Where is it?" demands Natasha.

"It's over in a corner." Tony absently waves a hand at the air again, in the direction of a corner. He did a mental head count. "JARVIS, where are Steve and Thor?"

"I believe they are...otherwise occupied at the moment."

"Arguing about Pop Tarts _again_?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ah, well. It's their fault now. Open the trapdoor!" Steve and Thor fall through a hole in the ceiling which "mysteriously" opened up beneath them. Everyone scatters, and Steve and Thor land ungracefully on the floor. Tony locks the door to the training room while standing safely outside. No one but Bruce notices. He starts banging on the glass frantically, all the while shooting terrified glances at Clint.

"TONY! Don't leave me in here with...with..._him_!"

"Eh. You'll be fine, Brucie."

"TONY!"

"JARVIS, I'm going to release the experiment!" Tony has everyone's attention now.

"Stark, back away from the big red button, very, very, slowly."

"I don't think so, Miss Romanova. I think that I am going to press this big red button, very, very, soon. Clint, you should have gotten dressed." Tony slams his hand down onto the big red button. A slit opens in the ceiling and one lone Post-It floats peacefully down. Steve ventures towards it, just as it explodes.

* * *

_5 minutes later_

"What just happened?" says Captain America, completely disoriented and covered in an assortment of Post-It's.

"I think we just got attacked by sticky notes." replies the Black Widow, who is not quite as disoriented, but just as colorfully decorated. Hawkeye's towel has been replaced with one giant butterfly shaped Post-It, and Mjolnir is...is...just no. The only one unaffected is Bruce, who is standing in the same place that he was before, and would be the epitome of calm, if he wasn't in hysterics at the sight of the Mighty Avengers: now in Post-It's. Tony is in hysterics as well, until he sees Natasha's face.

* * *

Iron Man and the Hulk show up covered in Post-It's for the next seventeen weeks.

* * *

**So. This is the end. You can still review! Even if I haven't updated this story for two months and probably never will again which really isn't a good reason to review but you can still review anyway! I have...uh...snickerdoodles from the future? **

_**THE END.**_

_**(It's quite final, isn't it?)**_


	9. Loki-in-the-cell

**Hi! Yes, I know what y'all are thinking. Didn't she say that the last chapter was The End? A very final end? Yes, yes she did. However, watching The Avengers again, and reading some Invincible Iron-Man really gets those creative juices flowing. So, you can expect a few more chapters of The Mission. Maybe more than a few. _Maybe_. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers. The movies would never get done, and they would premier two years after the promised release date. **

* * *

Loki is watching the agent currently guarding his cell. Well, _he_ says watching. The agent is pretty sure that Loki's cold glare is about to turn him into an ice cube. After about a minute of pure torture, the agent decides to scream and run out of the room. Loki frowns, and calls after the agent.

"Hey! Puny human! Where are you going? Aren't you supposed be watching me?"

"You scared him. Like the other thirty-five agents we've sent in here. Don't worry, though, he's in the rehabilitation room we made just for the agents who come in here." Natasha walks in. Loki is suspicious of the look on her face.

"Oh. So, another job well done, eh?" Loki smirks. Natasha smirks back. Loki keeps smirking, even though he really wants to scream and run to that rehabilitation room. Natasha keeps smirking, even though she wants to roll on the floor laughing, and presses a button.

"Hey!" Loki says, noticing the small movement. "What does that do?"

"Now, now, Loki-kins. Why would I tell you that?" Natasha turns and walks out of the room as Loki falls into a dead faint.

* * *

"Frosty the Snowman is down. I repeat, Frosty the Snowman is down." Natasha, her mission complete, goes back to her room and starts reading her brand-new _Seventeen_. The person on the other side of the radio smiles, and starts laughing evilly.

* * *

When Loki wakes up, he notices two things. First, his face is very uncomfortable. Second, there is an odd noise coming from outside of his temporary residence. It is a sort of vibrating sound, echoing around the room. He sits up, and notices that there is a person in the swivel chair that SHIELD commissioned specifically for the poor souls who are forced to watch him. The person lets out an sigh, at the comfortableness of the chair, Loki presumes. The sound jolts Loki out of his thoughts about the comfortable chair, and back to the odd sound. He surmises that the person must be using one of those iPuddles, and ignores it.

After about fifteen seconds, Loki just can't stand the noise anymore.

"Excuse me, but can you turn that noise off, puny human?" The person in the chair does not respond. Slowly, the chair turns. It is Captain America in the chair. Along with something else.

Loki screams. Steve is quite disconcerted. Multiple Avengers and SHIELD agents run in.

"I'm sorry!" Steve wails, still sitting in the chair. "I don't know why he's doing that!" Thor walks in with Mjolnir.

"WHO DARES HARM MY BROTHER?" he thunders. "MY ADOPTIVE BROTHER!" he corrects, when Natasha opens her mouth.

Steve meekly raises his hand. "Um, I didn't mean to, but I think it might have been me." Thor turns to the Captain, and promptly begins to scream as well.

"What is _wrong_ with you, Cap?" Tony asks. "Everyone's screaming when they see your face."

"I don't know!" Steve yells, confused and exasperated now.

"Make them stop!" Clint yells back.

"HOW? I DON'T HAVE A MANUAL FOR THIS, YOU KNOW!" Steve is really incensed at this point, and the two Asgardians screaming their heads off isn't doing much for his headache. He had a splitting migraine after the mandatory meeting (Tony and Clint wanted a giant pool of pudding. Need he say more?) which is why he volunteered to watch Loki for a while (along with Mr. Fluffypants, of course) in the first place. "WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE GENIUS OVER THERE?"

"Oh, yeah! Good point. Tony!"

"What?" Tony is busy examining Thor's face, stretching his skin this way and that while attempting to ignore Thor and Loki's earsplitting shrieks.

"Make them stop!"

"Um, _hello_? I'm _trying_!"

"Stop arguing. We have a bigger problem." Natasha walks in, as cool as always.

"What could be a bigger problem than an Asgardian screaming match?" Thor's bellowing cries are really starting to grate on Tony's ears, especially at his close proximity.

"Banner."

* * *

**Dun dun dun! Oh, yeah! It's a cliffie! On my first day back, too. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for my prolonged hiatus. I should have the next installment up Monday. Seriously. Review! I'm afraid that my house is lacking in baked goods currently, but I do have some wonderful applesauce! And if you perhaps enjoy Doctor Who, you could check out my other story, The Hallucinatory Image of The Wife of An Extremely Important Sontaran Warlord. If you have time. I am definitely _not _shamelessly advertising my own stories. No. Definitely not.  
**


	10. Loki-still-in-the-cell-but-als o-cats

**I'm here! Sorry I'm late! I say that every time, don't I? Umm...I have no excuse. I didn't have it edited. Or concluded. Yeah...Thanks to everyone who reviewed/followed the last chapter! I give you virtual carrot cake with little orange icing carrots on top!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers. Or Loki. Or SHIELD, or Cadbury creme eggs, or Walgreens, or any other vague references that I make. **

* * *

"Banner's hulking out?" Steve can practically feel those evil green blob things having a party in his skull. After this was over, he is definitely going to take a long vacation. A very long vacation. Preferably on the moon.

"Yes. He heard the screaming all the way from his room. You know he doesn't like high-pitched noises."

Loki stops screaming for a moment to make an indignant noise, and then looks at Steve and continues to scream.

"Bring him in here." says Tony.

"_What_?" Everyone in the room looks at Tony like he had just suggested giving Loki a unicorn.

"Either he's going to a. hulk out and kill whatever's making him angry – in this case, the two Asgardian gods who are, by the way, _immortal_, or b. _not _hulk out, and fix this whole thing."

"He makes a good point there, Agent." Fury concedes.

"Your call." Natasha walks out of the room. Tony is a little freaked out by the fact that her face didn't change at all from the time that she walked in to when she left.

Steve has been nursing a tiny suspicious feeling ever since Natasha came in the room. He decides to keep the fact that Banner's room is soundproof to himself, at least until Bruce arrives.

* * *

"I believe my presence was requested." Bruce walks in. The green vein pulsing in his forehead is painfully visible to everyone in the room. "Let's get this over with."

Everyone is silent, excepting the gods, who are otherwise occupied.

"Steve volunteered to monitor Loki, but as soon as Loki woke up and saw him, he started screaming his lungs out. Then Thor the overprotective stormed in here with his hammer, and started screaming too. I have no idea what caused it, and my ears are really really really starting to hurt." Tony talks ridiculously fast.

Bruce is trying so, so hard not to laugh, and is failing miserably.

"What? Is there coffee on my shirt?" Tony looks down at his shirt. Bruce is still in hysterics. Natasha's face is horrifically calm.

"Tony, look at Steve's lap." she says, her mouth twitching just a little teeny itty bit. She's definitely not smiling. No. The Black Widow doesn't smile.

"What? The cat? Mr. Fluffypants? Steve insisted." Steve is slowly realizing what is going on.

"Banner," he says, rather menacingly. "I _knew _it was you."

Tony looks between Bruce, Steve, and Mr. Fluffypants until his brain finally catches up.

"Romanoff! You were in on it all along?!" Natasha is laughing so hard she can't respond.

"Yes, she was, Tony." Bruce answers. Fury is completely lost.

"Excuse me, folks. Can you please clarify the situation for the non-geniuses around here?"

Tony, still fuming, explains what is going on to Fury. However, because of Tony's currently unstable emotional state, all Fury can hear is, "grrLoki'n'ThormmphSteve!grrwhoorderedgrragrrliong rrfromagrronlinecatalogue!andthengrrblackoutgrrtra itoroohBanner!atepieandgrrreadgrrVogue."

Fury turns to Captain America.

"Captain?"

"After the briefing, Director Fury, sir, I had a bad migraine, so Banner told me that I should volunteer to watch Loki, because Loki was sleeping and so it would be nice and quiet and then he also asked me to take care of his cat, sir."

"When did Banner get a cat?"

"After Tony ate the last piece of cake."

"Ah." Fury nods and smiles, mentally making a list of psychologists that could deal with an angry superhero. "I see."

"It was a very innocent request, sir, you see? So I said yes, and I went to watch Loki. And then-"

"Ooh ooh ooh! Can I do this part?" Bruce is jumping up and down, quite out of character.

"But I wanna-"-Steve is about to refuse, but Natasha's Glare© (find it in locations near you!) scares him off. Fury nods towards Bruce.

"Continue, Banner."

"So, I, like, told Loki and Thor that cats are, like, the supreme overlords of Earth, and they, like, _totally _believed me! And then I, like, told them that if a cat, like, looked at them, they were, like, _so _dead, and they were all, like, "We're immortal." and _I _said that it didn't matter if they were, like the Doctor, or something, the cat could still, like kill them, so now they're scared of cats! But little kitties are so cute!"

"Hill, I hope you got that."

"Don't worry, Director Fury. I'm well trained in deciphering code. We'll get whoever was behind this."

They walk out of the room.

"But what about the screaming?" Clint is so lost right now, he doesn't even have words to describe it. Tony gets up and picks the cat up off of Steve's lap and walks out of the room.

The screaming stops. Thor and Loki sit cross-legged on the floor, eyes as wide as Steve's kicked-puppy look.

"Can we have some ice-cream, please?" Thor asks.

"And maybe some hot chocolate, or coffee, if you don't mind." Loki adds.

Clint climbs into the vents. He is going to go do something very, very, normal, thank you very much. A good two hours of Caillou should cheer him up.

Natasha and Steve look at each other. With surprisingly similar long-suffering sighs, the two walk out of the room.

"What about my ice-cream?"

"And my hot-chocolate?"

The door locks shut.

* * *

"What do you think happened to Banner?" Steve asks, quite composed after the events of the past two hours.

"Coffee. And some carrot cake. And quite a few Cadbury creme eggs." Natasha replies.

Steve's jaw drops, but he covers it up efficiently.

"Can I get some at Walgreens?"

"Yup."

Natasha wonders if the next SHIELD crisis should be bunny-related. Captain America and bunnies. Yes...and more Cadbury eggs.

* * *

**Don't look at me like that. I like Cadbury creme eggs. You can't blame me. I'm not sure what the next chappie will be. I'll take prompts! I have absolutely nothing planned. Review! Prompts fit very nicely inside reviews!**

* * *

******This is the tenth chapter! Aaaaah! Yes, me and my loyal imaginary condominiums have worked hard to bring you this tenth chapter of The Mission!** Oh, yeah! I bet you didn't notice. Or you noticed and thought that I didn't care, or that I forgot. But no! Mwahaha! :)  



	11. An Official Contract (with fine print!)

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And especial thanks to kimbee who left a prompt! This is the first installment. I'm not sure how many parts this is going to be. Review! I made custard pie, but then I threw it away because it tasted horrible. So I have nothing to bribe you guys with. Which is very sad.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except for the bear. **

* * *

The Avengers are all eating ice-cream. Why? Because they felt like it. There are no other reasons for their surprise outing. Bruce may or may not have thrown a small gigantic fit, but that had nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing.

The outing has gone surprisingly well so far. No explosions, no killer carrots, no acid rain. Natasha is rather suspicious of the whole thing, really. So when a bear falls through the roof and lands on their table, Natasha is completely prepared.

Tony? Not so much.

* * *

"My face hurts." Tony groans when he wakes up from his previously unconscious state.

"Well, that might be because you got whacked in the head by a bear." Steve helpfully responds.

"Wha? Steve, I think my hearing's gone messy too. I just heard you say that I got hit by a bear."

"That's _exactly _what I said." Tony blearily sits up. Everything in front of him is blurry.

"Fury? Did you get rid of the eye patch?" he asks.

Fury, who is quite sure that the eye patch is still firmly affixed to his face (he may or may not have surreptitiously touched it to make sure that it was there), replies in the negative.

"Then where'd it go– oh. I see it. Yeah, never mind. You know what, though, there's just one more itty bitty thing I'd like know, if you don't mind." Tony's politeness is freaking Fury out just a little bit. He would never admit that, though. Maria would have a field day with that piece of information.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Fury gulps inconspicuously. He really doesn't want to do this, but someone had to do it, and everyone - literally, _everyone_ - had voted for him. Fury scowls.

"Well, Stark, because of recent events, it has come to light that your physical ability without the suit is...less than stellar. Because of your vulnerability without the Iron Man, you become an easy target for all of the metaphorical bears out there. So, Clint and Natasha–" Clint lets out a barely muffled groan. Tony glares at him. Clint shrugs. Fury continues.

"Clint and Natasha are going to be responsible for training you. You won't be allowed to go on any missions until you can successfully complete the SHIELD obstacle course – _without _your suit."

Tony's shriek breaks glass.

* * *

After Tony explains to the local police that, no, he is not in any imminent danger, and that he is not harboring the eight-year-old fugitive wanted for a scream-and-run, he calls Pepper, who is still in San Francisco.

Apparently, no one told her that he was almost killed by a bear.

"So, you have to complete an obstacle course? Are you sure you can do this, Tony? I mean, maybe you should just retire from the Avengers." Her barely muffled laughter is not unnoticed by Tony.

"Oh, like you could do the SHIELD obstacle course."

"Is that a challenge, Tony Stark?"

"What if it is?"

"Then I would require an official one."

"I, Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, challenge you, Pepper Potts, to a race on the SHIELD obstacle course in exactly six months."

"I mean _official _official, Tony. Like, with fine print and everything."

* * *

_5:00 a.m. - Tony  
_

Tony is sleeping peacefully in his room. The covers are pulled up over his head, and he is dreaming about shawarma and zebras.

"STAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKK!" The ear-piercing scream wakes him up instantly.

"What?" he says groggily.

"Well, that was anticlimactic. I expected you to jump up and put on the suit and blast me."

"I haven't had my coffee yet."

* * *

_6:00 a.m.  
_

"Is this really necessary?" Tony looks out at the track with poorly disguised horror. "I mean, I have the suit."

"Most SHIELD recruits have to run a 10-mile track to pass. Fury took pity on you and decided that you only needed to run 2 miles to pass." Natasha's face is as stoic as ever as she delivers Tony's sentence.

"_Two miles_? How much time do I have?"

"Twenty minutes. As I said, Fury took pity on you. And you have the suit, so you probably won't have to run at all."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Oh, come on. You can't be _that _bad at running."

* * *

_7:00 a.m._

"Apparently, he _can _be that bad at running." Clint and Natasha are sitting in Tony's room while Bruce makes sure that the unconscious Tony isn't going to die anytime soon.

"Maybe we should just focus on hand to hand combat for now."

Even in his passed-out state, Tony shudders.

* * *

_5:00 a.m. – Pepper_

"JARVIS, can you wake Thor, Bruce, and Steve up, please? Ask them to come to the kitchen."

"Of course, Miss Potts."

_5 minutes later_

"My, that was fast." All three men are standing in a line, immaculately groomed. They remember what happened the last time Pepper had woken Tony up and he had fallen back asleep. Thor, Bruce, and Steve _never _want to witness such a tragedy again.

"We are at your service, ma'am." Steve salutes Pepper.

Pepper knew scaring them early on would come in handy someday.

"I'm sure you all know about Tony's...sentence."

"Yes, ma'am." they chorus.

"Well, he has issued me a challenge. I have copies of the contract right here." She passes thick manila folders out to the men.

"You have one hour to familiarize yourself with the terms of the contract and report to Training Room 67 - A. My training will begin at 0600 hours."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

_6:00 a.m._ _– Pepper _

"Good to see none of you got lost." Pepper smiles kindly at the three superheroes. They quiver under her gaze.

"You know I was just trying to scare you guys, right? I'm not going to kill you."

"Yes, ma'am, we knew that, ma'am."

Pepper sighs. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. "All right then. Bruce, I trust you have my training plan ready?"

Bruce pulls a giant whiteboard and Expo markers out of nowhere. He turns to it, and starts explaining.

"As you know, Fury's modified the obstacle course so that Tony doesn't die trying to complete it. Most SHIELD agents have a much more rigorous course." He draws a circle and a little stick figure with dead eyes, and labels it 'Dead Tony'.

"Most of the course is still the same, though," Steve jumps in. "So there's still a lot of training to do."

"We have six months. And I don't need to be the best. I just need to be better than Tony."

Thor lets out a small, but extremely undignified snort.

"Miss Potts, I am sure that you will be able to best Tony in every physical endeavor that he ever attempts." Thor pauses, and an uncharacteristic grin creeps across his face. "I believe that even your mailman has that ability."

"You mean Bill? You do know that he's set the world record for the oldest employee of all time?"

"Yes."

"Can't say that you're wrong there, mate."

"_Clint_!"

"What? Don't tell me you don't agree with me, Cap."

Steve looks conflicted, but then he shrugs. "I can't lie."

"Can we stop talking about my boyfriend's sorry lack of physical fitness?"

"Oh. Um, yeah, sure."

Bruce attempts to redirect the conversation.

"So, Pepper, your first goal is to run two miles in under twenty minutes. Just try your best."

* * *

_Nine minutes later_

"Okay, I'm done. What's next?"

"..."

"What?"

"You just ran two miles in nine minutes. That's _impossible_."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I've had a lot of practice."

"How? You're a CEO. When do you find time to go running?"

"Who do you think runs after Tony when he flies away with that suit?"

* * *

**This isn't _too _late, is it? I wrote in every minute of my spare time, but school really doesn't like giving people free time. Really. A poster board about a _poem_? How would someone even come _up _with that? Well, the next installment should hopefully be up faster.**

**I was wondering, did any of you catch the name of the cat in the last one? And how it's the same as Natasha's teddy bear's? There might be something interesting about that...**

**Review!**


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